How To Be Happy Part 4: Don't Aim at Success

When I first heard about the opportunity of online business, I had a mixed reaction.

I was dubious — part of me thought that it all seemed too good to be true.

I was excited — the part of me that did believe it was legit was amazed by the thought of being able to run a lucrative business from a laptop.

But I was also a bit conflicted because many of the business models seemed meaningless.

I don’t think I’d be happy with an e-commerce store selling fidget spinners or fueling the obsession with meaningless consumption via a dropshipping store.

Yeah, I know — people retire their families using these means, and I don’t have anything against it.

Making money is undeniably a part of living well, but it’s not the only part.

The real goal is to be able to make an income doing something that you truly believe is meaningful — that aligns with your values. That provides you with purpose.

The internet makes these meaningful businesses possible; it’s not just selling junk and affiliating for products you don’t care about.

By leveraging media, people are creating businesses centered around creating content and providing deeply meaningful services.

They’re making an impact, providing immense value, and making an income.

This is the type of endeavor you need to ultimately be happy and fulfilled.

Because unlike what some spiritual content suggests, happiness doesn’t come from meditating all day and retreating from the world.

Happiness comes from engaging with the world — we’re wired to take action.

You’re meant to self-actualize through living actively, not spending your days in a silent retreat.

But how you approach your action makes all the difference.

From The Bible, the Tao Te Ching, and the Bhagavad Gita (a Hindu spiritual text), the same message is found:

The way to happiness is to focus on being of service and immersing yourself in the work — it’s not achieved by focusing on success or external results.

Last week, I discussed the importance of fully immersing yourself in the process of success over caring about the results and how this, oddly enough, produces the best results. This was the case in my experience as a musician.

Immersing yourself in the process is important, but there is another nuance to pursuing the most fulfilling work and projects.

Selfless service.

Selfless service is when you’re driven by how your efforts will serve others — by how what you’re a part of will impact the world. Pursuing action through this lens leads to a far more fulfilling and meaningful life than working for your own gains and success.

Personal success is a byproduct of the pursuit of something bigger. It comes from engaging in selfless service.

Put all your energy into how you serve others and the greater good, and the results will follow.

The above Viktor Frankl quote comes from “Man’s Search for Meaning,” published in 1959. But this idea doesn’t originate from Frankl. It is one of the oldest ideas on fulfillment and well-being.

It is articulated beautifully in the ancient Indian text, The Bhagavad Gita.

The following is an excerpt from the Gita on selfless service. This is the God Krishna talking to a demi-god Arjuna about how to properly act in the world.

We see this wisdom in ancient spirituality, 20th-century logotherapy, and even modern marketing tactics.

There’s probably something to it.

The way to achieve ultimate happiness and fulfillment is to pursue work that self-actualizes you against your strengths in the service of something greater.

Focus on the service, not the results.

Success will be a byproduct.

Does living this way mean you don’t care about the results?

For this answer, I like to turn back to the Roman Stoic Seneca’s writing on happiness (that I’ve brought up several times now in this series).

Seneca talks about wealth being like a “favorable wind that sweeps the sailor on his course,” it’s pleasant and definitely something to be preferred over poverty.

You don’t run into problems when you prefer wealth to poverty or good health to sickness.

The issues happen when we fall into the desire trap — when you treat success in whatever form as a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you fulfill that outcome.

I wish I could take credit for this analogy, but I’m not wise enough to drop bombs like this.

The dinner vs. dessert metaphor comes from Anthony DeMello at the very end of Awareness.

Your main sustenance — what you need to be happy, fulfilled, and at peace — is immersing yourself in the work of projects that serve something far bigger than yourself.

This is your dinner. You don’t need anything else.

But if living this way earns you external success, wealth, and praise, that’s fine. It can be nice. But it’s dessert.

It’s not the main course.

Happiness comes from acting in service of something greater than yourself.

Happiness (and success) are byproducts of selfless service.