MM#3 - The #1 Way to Improve Your Relationship With Food

February 27, 2023

Hey hey!

Happy Monday, friend.

Hope you’re excited for another week to live on Earth as a human being in the 21st century.

Episode 3 of the Monday Mashup focuses on a weirdly controversial topic in health & fitness: “your relationship with food.”

In my experience of struggling to create a sustainable and healthy long-term diet, one mindset shift stands out to me as particularly important.

I’m going to go into that today.

But first -

A Tweet

If you’re in the mood for a heavy thread, read this.

The Stoic phrase Memento Mori means “remember you must die.”

It’s easy to procrastinate and live inauthentically when you assume that you’ll have plenty of time later. Truth is, none of us know that for certain.

Each day is a gift.

A Quote

“They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom” - Confucius.

Content

You know those Twitter threads that say, “These 10 sentences will teach you more about x than a $70,000 degree?”

Well, this guest series from Dr. Andy Galpin on Huberman Lab might actually live up to that hype.

You will seriously enhance your knowledge of fitness by going through this series. I’m just on episode 1, the goal is to get through all of them by the end of the month!

What the heck is a relationship with food??

It’s funny that this is actually a divisive topic.

Some people get upset at the concept of a “relationship with food.”

I don’t mind the term — anyone who doesn’t like it is just getting caught up with semantics.

What a relationship with food really means is how you feel about your eating habits.

Thats it.

Does eating stress you out?

Do you use eating to deal with stress or negative emotions?

Do you do it too much?

Do you rely on it to make you happy?

These are signs of a toxic relationship.

A healthy relationship should contribute to your happiness, but your happiness shouldn’t completely depend on it.

There are a bunch of ways we could dig into this analogy, but I want to focus on one of them.

It’s the most crucial distinction to get right for your “relationship with food.”

Forbid Behavior, Not Food.

To demonstrate what I mean, I have two hypothetical circumstances for you.

Both involve eating ice cream.

Scenario #1:

You’re on a date with your partner.

It is a truly fucking glorious Sunday afternoon, and you’re on a picturesque seaside stroll.

You see a boutique ice cream food truck that serves the number-one-rated salted caramel ice cream on planet Earth.

You each get a single-scoop cone, and you share this gorgeous moment of sweet, salty bliss and create a memory that will last forever.

Scenario #2:

You’ve been putting in a solid effort at work.

You have a meeting with your manager to discuss your salary increase.

You’re expecting a solid offer because of your contributions.

Instead, you get lowballed.

You feel embarrassed and devalued.

You go home, but on the way, you stop by the store to pick up a pint of Ben & Jerries, which you promptly proceed to scarf down while you binge “Too Hot to Handle” on Netflix until 1:27 am.

You had ice cream in both of these hypothetical situations.

But can you see how extremely different they are?

They’re not even in the same universe of behavior.

#1 is a sustainable, enjoyable, and, I would say, completely healthy behavior.

#2 is disordered eating.

Ice cream has nothing to do with what separates them.

It’s what’s going on in your mind.

Disordered eating is more about the mental aspect than the food itself.

Something I emphasize with my clients is to forbid behaviors but never forbid food.

There is always a time and place to allow yourself to enjoy food you love.

But some behaviors should straight-up never happen.

A few of these are:

  • Overeating to the point of feeling unwell

  • Mindless snacking out of boredom

  • Using food as a means to deal with stress or any negative feeling

  • Hiding evidence of eating (secret food, hiding wrappers, etc.)

In my experience, some of the worst behaviors around eating come up precisely because food is forbidden.

The “forbidden fruit” effect is a real thing.

When you restrict something, it has power over you and entices you during moments of weakness when you’re emotionally vulnerable.

This is why I’m strongly in favor of not forbidding foods but focusing on the behavior.

You need to be able to distinguish having a second piece of Pumpkin Pie at Thanksgiving from eating an entire grocery-store carrot cake in bed by yourself.

Takeaway:

Be honest with yourself - how is your relationship with food?

Do you use food as a coping mechanism?

What foods do you turn to do this?

What would enjoying those foods responsibly and sustainably look like?

What are some behaviors you’ve noticed yourself doing that you should remove?

If you’re thinking about losing some weight or have struggled with weight loss in the past, I think these questions will be useful to you.

I wish you all the best in creating a long-term healthy relationship with food.

When you’re ready, here’s how you can work with me.

I have 5 spots available for 1-1 Fitness coaching.

You’ll get:

  • Complete clarity on what you need to do for training & nutrition to achieve your goals

  • A fully customized program delivered through easy-to-use software

  • Unlimited calls with your coach

  • Guaranteed results

I won’t let you fail - if you sign up to work with me, you’ll achieve your goals, or I’ll work for free with you until you do.